So, I’m totally chilling out by the chicken coop, right? And my mom hands me this dumb journal with a picture on the front of it with two little kids sitting by a stream, except the kids don’t have faces. ‘Cause I’m, like, Amish. And she tells me that if I don’t “straighten out my attitude right now, young lady,” and “think very, very hard about thine actions of late,” she’s gonna ground me until I get married, which is, like, three whole years away because I’m only 15, which really isn’t that young if you think about it ‘cause I already have...
